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emotions

Break the Cycle of Emotional Eating

I am an emotional eater.  I eat when I’m happy, I eat when I’m sad, I eat when I’m angry and I eat when I’m bored.  In case you’re not quite catching what I’m saying, I eat.  Now eating is not a bad thing, heck, we need to do it to survive, but eating your emotions, that’s not such a great thing.  But I’m putting a stop to all that.  I’ve tried things like Weight Watchers, Nutri System, Atkins and Keto.  They’re all great in teaching me how to eat, but nothing has helped me come to grips with why I eat.  Now, with help, I’m going to stop allowing my mind to bully my body! If you’re stuck in the same cycle I am, then I suggest you check out this amazing class offered by Karen Salmansohn,  that will help to retrain your brain.

In it, you’ll learn:

  • why you binge eat – the emotional root of your food issues

  • how to stop obsessive thoughts around food – in a lasting way

  • how to stop using food as a distraction or to deal with uncomfortable feelings like anger, stress, fear, grief and self-loathing.

  • how to enjoy a more loving relationship with food – and yourself – whether you’re trying to lose 10 pounds, 35 pounds, or over 100 pounds

If  you’re ready to make a change, check out this great program that will help you break the cycle of emotional eating.

I Love Ted

Yesterday, I was scrolling through Facebook when I came across a Ted Talk by Susan David. I watched it, and really enjoyed it, and then I moved on to something else. But I didn’t stop thinking about it. It was percolating in the back of my mind as I connected it to this, that, and the other, including a blog post I wrote this week.  Dr. David, of course, spoke far more eloquently than I wrote, and I really think it’s worth watching.  So press play, and then let me know what you think 🙂

Feel Good Music

We all have things that put us in a good mood.  For me, that thing is music.  If I’m down in the dumps or just having a not so great day, I’ll pull out the Ipod crank it up and go to town.  The feel good playlist is long and includes songs like I Feel Lucky by Mary Chapin Carpenter, and Walking on Sunshine by Katrina and the Waves.  The newest addition to the list is Keep Your Head Up by Andy Grammer and I have to say it’s the ULTIMATE feel good song for me.  What are some of YOUR feel good songs?  Share them in the comments section

KEEP YOUR HEAD UP

wooh, ehhhh, wooooh.

I’ve been waiting on the sunset
Bills on my mindset
I can’t deny theyre getting high
Higher than my income
In comes breadcrumbs
I’ve been trying to survive

The glow that the sun gives
Right around sunset
Helps me realize
This is just a journey
Drop your worries
You are gonna turn out fine.
Oh, you’ll turn out fine.
Fine, oh, you’ll turn out fine.

But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.

I know it’s hard, know its hard,
To remember sometimes,
But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.

I’ve got my hands in my pockets,
Kickin these rocks.
Its kinda hard to watch this life go by.
I’m buyin into skeptics,
Skeptics mess with, the confidence in my eyes

I’m seeing all the angles, starts to get tangled
I start to comprimise
My life and the purpose.
Is it all worth it,
Am I gonna turn out fine?

Oh, you’ll turn out fine.
Fine, oh, you’ll turn out fine.

But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.

I know it’s hard, know its hard,
To remember sometimes,
But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.

Only rainbows after rain
The sun will always come again.
And its a circle, circling,
Around again, it comes around again.

Only rainbows after rain
The sun will always come again.
And its a circle, circling,
Around again, it comes around,

But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.

I know it’s hard, know its hard
To remember sometimes,
But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.

Keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
Keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
Keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down.

Why Your AHA Moments Don’t Stick – Chris Cade

by Chris Cade

You’ve most certainly seen this in your life, and possible the lives of those you know about. It’s happened to me. The story starts out the same. You have one of those “amazingly super-duper spiritually enlightening aha moment experiences.”

You may have walked around for a few hours or even days without an ego…

It was mind-blowing to feel empty and spacious yet full…

For a night, it was inspiring to have the courage of a lion…

And for a moment, your consciousness expanded exponentially when you saw the entire Universe in a grain of sand.

But then something else happened. It wore off. The realization didn’t stick, and you realize something more immediate: you’re “just” you. Whoever you were before that incredible experience has returned to the present moment.
 
You hoped that the experience would transform your life forever. You hoped that if you had enough of those experiences, if you sought and found them, if you cherished them, they’d add up to enough realizations that you’d get to keep them all forever.

The thing is, transformation doesn’t work that way.

Realization is one thing. It’s the starting point. Realizations like those open us up to experiencing the world in new ways. Until we discover that the real challenge is not when we attain those realizations, but rather, living them in your daily life. That’s called “actualization.”

Actualization is when your realizations are so integrated into your being, that you live them naturally. You no longer have to “discover” the Truth of yourself because simply by existing you are an expression of that Truth.

It doesn’t matter if that Truth is as simple as having the courage to face your fears, or a deeper awareness such as the Universal interconnectedness we all share. Truth is Truth. And it’s a Truth you live without having to try and without having to alter your state of being to experience and live that Truth.

To simplify: Realization is the awareness. Actualization is the living embodiment of that awareness.

The thing is, few people experience real transformation in their lives because they spend more time chasing realizations than they do trying to actualize those realizations.

What good is awareness if you can’t bring it with you at the end of the experience?

Unfortunately, like all great spiritual Truths… the answer is simple, but not easy. In fact, to make your “aha” moments stick, you only have to do two things:

(1) Put into action what you realize

(2) Repeat step 1.

Or phrased another way: Practice the art of living.

It really is that simple. And yet, we have decades of historical conditioning, difficult experiences, and lack of spiritual support, many of which have been us practicing the art of non-living. The art of surviving. And while that was a necessary art to practice as a child, it’s not necessary to practice it in exactly the same ways as an adult.

We as adults have different needs than we did as chidlren. As such, our practices have to evolve, grow, and deepen. They can’t be based on our past — our practices must be based on the present. And therein lies the true secret to the two-step process above.

When you put your realizations into action, when you truly live them, you are living in the present moment. And the present moment is the only place where our practices can be integrated into our being such that they become actualizations.

Your Partner In Transformation,
Chris Cade
Liberate Your Life

P.S. When it comes to realizations…

One of the most difficult ones to live is around our “Self Worth.” Simply put… do we have value? And more importantly, is our value inherent to our being or is it something we have to earn?

If you’re like me and everybody I’ve ever met, there’s at least some aspect of you that feels you have to “earn” your worth. We do this by striving for the approval of others and avoiding rejection. Sometimes it’s in obvious big ways, and other times it’s so subtle or subconscious that you might not even be aware you’re doing it.

And if self worth is an area you’re still wanting to work on in your own life, then please feel free to join me on the free “Self Worth Summit.” I’ll be speaking alongside nearly 60 other speakers about this exact topic: How can we live, in our daily lives, with the experience of knowing that we matter?

Self Worth Summit

She Gave Me the Finger, I Gave Her My Heart – Chris Cade

Though that may sound like like the name of a really bad country song, I assure you I haven’t switched vocations to become a musician. 🙂

See, the other day I was taking my son to preschool and I had an “interaction” with a driver. There is a highway interchange that was designed very poorly and has great potential for accidents. All the people in the left lane have to get over to the right lane (which turns very quickly), and all the people coming from the right lane (which is a curve) have to get over into the left lane.

To compound the issue, those going from right to left have a metering light that brings traffic to a stop. During rush hour, it’s a dangerous intersection. I was in the left lane, another woman in the right.

I kindly slowed so that she’d be able to get into the lane in front of me. Then I’d be able to switch to the right. Unfortunately, she decided to also slow at the same time. We both came to an almost complete stop in the middle of traffic because within the 1 second we saw each other, we couldn’t agree on who should go first (and there wasn’t enough time / space for either of us to accelerate).

When she finally decided to cut in front of me at last moment, I barely missed hitting the back of her car by probably 6 inches. Maybe less. She was visibly upset.

Okay, that’s putting it mildly….

Until I had fully passed her car, I could see her mouthing various profanities at me. Most of them were regarding what she thought I should go do with myself. 🙂

And given how I was intending to act kindly, and she was treating me so poorly, I’m sure you can guess how I responded to her total disregard for my kindness…

I went on with my life.

I pulled into the right lane, drove off on my way, I sensed my heart, felt compassion, and thought to both her and myself:

“I wish you well.”

No matter how difficult life gets, no matter how badly people treat me, that’s one thing I always find helps me (and hopefully them too!)…

“I wish you well.”

It doesn’t right any wrongs. It doesn’t condone actions, nor does it condemn them. It doesn’t eliminate pain or frustration. And it doesn’t make me any more right or wrong than the other person.

“I wish you well” does, however, help me feel better.

It reminds me that I am a co-creator in this world.

It reminds me that if I want to live in a world where others wish live with kindness, it starts with me.

And that new co-created world starts in those moments where my critical ego least wants to wish people well. Still, it’s a start and it has to start somewhere. For me, that place is within.
 
Your Partner In Transformation,
Chris Cade
Liberate Your Life

P.S. “I wish you well.” 🙂

Stop Feeling the Way You Know You Shouldn’t – Chris Cade

A while back I shared with you my thoughts about “The LIE About Positive Thinking.”  Today, I’d like to expand on that topic in a different way. Specifically, the question is: Is it okay to have our thoughts?

On the surface, it seems obvious. Of course it’s fine to have our thoughts!

But what if they’re judgmental? Or so anti-Law Of Attraction that they’re negative or hurtful? Shameful? Is it okay to have those thoughts too?

I recall years ago that whenever I wanted to feel a specific kind of emotion, I’d change my music to something that mirrored what I wanted. If I wanted to feel energized, I put on Dream Theater, Van Halen, Metallica, or Robert Miles. If I wanted to feel mellow, I put on some Diana Krall, Enigma, or Enya. For whatever mood I wanted, I put in the music that would take me there.

It wasn’t until I ventured further down my spiritual path that I realized how detrimental that was to myself. I thought I was doing myself a favor by “picking myself up” naturally. Sort of like when you have a bad day, and a friend comes over and says, “Hey, let’s go shopping and get some dessert. Forget that loser ex of yours for a while.”

On the surface, that seems empowering and compassionate. The intention is well. However, all those examples have one thing in common:

Rejection.

Each one of them is rejecting the moment. It’s rejecting the person’s experience. It’s rejecting the possibility that being right where you are is exactly where you’re supposed to be.  It is fundamentally saying to yourself, “Stop feeling the way you know you shouldn’t.” And as I teach in Liberate Your Life, every time you use the word “should” you’re identifying with Your Inner Critic, limiting your growth and minimizing your happiness.

So then what’s the alternative?

Honoring the moment.

Instead of telling yourself how to feel or trying to change how you feel, just accept it. With regards to my music, I found a real deep peace and a kind of magical mystery when I switched my mindset. Instead of finding music to cover up what I felt, to ignore my emotions, to try and transcend them, or try to evade them…

I found myself putting in music that honored exactly who I was in that very moment.

The result was profound. Instead of having an underlying agitated state of rejection and frustration, I was listening to the perfect music for that moment. Because the music was aligned with my inner state, there was a resonance which created a sense of peace.

It seems counter intuitive.

After all, sometimes I’d feel a deep sadness. Maybe an anger. Maybe shame. Delight and joy. Excitement. It could be anything. And yet when I put in music that completely honored the emotion I was experiencing, I also felt peace.

The other emotions didn’t disappear. I didn’t stop feeling sad or angry. What changed was that instead of rejecting my sadness or anger, I was at peace with it…

And that made all the difference.

Your Partner In Transformation,
Chris Cade
Liberate Your Life

P.S. The amazing thing about accepting our negative thoughts and emotions is that when you do it, when you truly accept them, they naturally transform into a form of empowerment.

What it Means to “Hold On” to Your Pain – Chris caade

by Chris Cade

Recently I shared with you a bit about happiness, and my friend Arina’s explorations into the topic. While it’s important to find ways to cultivate happiness, there’s also a silent (or sometimes not-so-silent) killer of happiness: our pain.

Many people hold onto their pain like a kind of “badge of honor.” In fact, most of us have some aspect of our history, something painful or difficult, that we have a silent sense of pride about… as though when we tell the story, we know people will empathize with us. We’ll be seen. We’ll be comforted.

In fact, we might even mistake the support we receive for a distorted illusion of happiness.

Since that kind of connection between people feels supportive, we hold onto the story of our pain. We can tell the story again sometime (even if it’s just to ourselves). The interesting thing about “holding onto our pain” is that it actually takes us away from happiness, authentic communication, and it prevents us from living our lives fully.

When we “hold onto” our pain, when we bring our past difficult stories with us, what we’re really saying is: “I don’t want to be here, right now, as things are. I also don’t want to know what potential my future holds. I’m more interested in being with the more familiar experience of my painful and uncomfortable feelings.”

Nobody wants to admit that to themselves.

Yet it happens -every- time we continue to dwell in pain over something that is not occurring in the present moment. This can be as simple as telling your friend later in the day about that “jerk” who cut you off in traffic, that co-worker who talked bad about you behind your back, or your partner or friend who was so involved in his/her own story that you never got a chance to actually connect.

It happens in big and small ways. It happens to me every day. Not because I want the pain. Not because I want to avoid the present moment or the future. It happens because that’s a habit of the Inner Critic and my subconscious mind.

(and yours too)

If I were to oversimplify, I would say that when we “hold onto” our pain, what we’re really doing is giving up on life. After all, if we truly felt otherwise, we’d live in the moment and not in the past where our stories of pain reside.

Byron Katie nailed it when she named her book, “Who would you be without your story?” Really. Candidly speaking, while I have a few clues as to who I’d be, I don’t truly know. Not from a 24-7 experiential perspective.

And if you’re reading my messages, this is also true of you to some degree… 🙂

Your Partner In Transformation,
Chris Cade
Liberate Your Life

P.S. To be clear, I’m not suggesting that acknowledging or experiencing your pain is bad. In fact, it’s absolutely necessary to living a happy and fulfilled life.

Thus the question for you to explore is: How can you live so that the inevitable pain of being human doesn’t become a story (or badge of honor) that drags you back into the past?

If you would like to take the next step with Chris, sign up sign up for his Free “Getting Things Changed” 7-part mini-program that exposes the inner and outer obstacles conspiring against your best efforts to transform your life.

 

Click Here Now to get started…

http://www.chriscade.com/go/?af=12444&url=getting-things-changed/register

Let Me Tell You About “God” – by Chris Cade

by Chris Cade

Just saying the word “God” sends some people into a rage and others into profound peace. It causes wars and creates divine unions. People blame God for the bad in their lives while praising God for the gifts.

I find it amazing how one word can have such different meanings to so many people. There are as many meanings for the word “God” as there are people on the planet.

To some, God is personified – an all-knowing sentient being who consciously and intentionally creates situations (whether it’s pleasure or suffering, peace or war, cancer or miracle healings).
To others, God is an omnipresent field of organizing energy which has no conscious awareness, yet all consciousness arises from.
And others don’t even acknowledge the concept of “God” in any form.
Regardless of what you may believe about God…
Regardless of what you may have discovered to be personally true about God…
I think it’s important to really acknowledge that God means different things to different people. The thing is, what I’m writing isn’t really about God.
It’s about you and every experience you’ve ever had, are having, and will have. Because each and every one of them, every thought, every emotion, every story you’ve ever told yourself…
Means something different to you than it does to anybody else.

And if we can get so riled up about a three-letter word such as “God,” consider how much more we get riled up each and every day with entire sentences! 🙂

Your Partner In Transformation,
Chris Cade
Liberate Your Life

P.P.S. Only by acknowledging how you fundamentally view the world differently from others can you develop the awareness to have compassion for those who are different from you.

P.P.S. And by “those who are different from you,” I mean everybody you ever come into contact with.
If you would like to take the next step with Chris, sign up sign up for his Free “Getting Things Changed” 7-part mini-program that exposes the inner and outer obstacles conspiring against your best efforts to transform your life.

Click Here Now to get started…
http://www.chriscade.com/go/?af=12444&url=getting-things-changed/register

The Difference Between Your Ego and Your Inner Critic – Chris Cade

One of my Liberate Your Life program participants emailed me this week and asked that very question. It’s an interesting one, and I thought I’d share with you how I answer it within the body of my work. Although other peoples’ work may define these things differently, this is what works for me and for the people I work with.

Think of the Ego as your identity.

It’s who you take yourself to be. Maybe that’s a man or woman, mother or father, daughter or son. Maybe it’s an employee, a manager, a friend, and so on and so forth. You could sum up “Ego” as the who and what of your thoughts about yourself.

Think of the “Inner Critic” as the judgmental critical voice that has opinions *about* your Ego.

For example, the Inner Critic might look at the list I just wrote and expand it like this: “Insensitive man, ugly woman, unavailable mother, inconsistent father, distant daughter, burdensome son, incompetent employee, overbearing manager, callous friend” and so on and so forth. You could sum up “Inner Critic” as your opinions about yourself.

I’m aware that some people teach the ego to be “bad” or something to “rid” ourselves of. Unfortunately, that perspective *IS* the Inner Critic trying to judge how a person should go about their own path of inner growth.

(that’s just a more cunning version of the Inner Critic)

Rather than think of the Ego as something to get rid of, I prefer to think of it as something to understand. It’s not inherently bad to be a parent. However, it is important to understand what it means to be a parent, how that awareness affects your life, and how you can live both as a parent in the worldn… -without- all the judgments of the Inner Critic about what kind of parent it thinks you are.

Similarly, while I sometimes joke about “obliterating” the Inner Critic, that perspective only has very limited use (for the purposes of channeling certain types of aggressive energy more effectively).

As I teach in Liberate Your Life, it came to be in your life for very important, survival-based reasons. Rather than try to “get rid” of the Inner Critic, again I find it most useful to try and understand it. Explore it.

In my experience, trying to get rid of certain thoughts within my head is only a temporary remedy. The thoughts always come back. The only approach that has ever given me truly lasting freedom from the harsh judgments of my Inner Critic is awareness and understanding.

I hope those examples help clarify, at least within my evolving and developing body of work, where the differences lie between the Ego and the Inner Critic.

Your Partner In Transformation,
Chris Cade
Liberate Your Life

What Inspires You When Nothing Else Can? – Chris Cade

My friend Jaime Mintun recently posted on her blog, “What Inspires You When Nothing Else Can?” I got to thinking about that question rather seriously, and what I discovered was interesting.

The spirit of the question was intended as “When you can’t get yourself going, what do you do to get going?” Inspirational quotes, thoughts, videos, poems, stories, etc.

And while I use those on a regular basis, if we don’t take them in fully, they become just more platitudes and cliches for false positive thinking (like my recent email, “The LIE about positive thinking.”)

In my serious discovery, I decided to take the question further and explore it from a “Dark Night of the Soul” perspective. In other words, what can we do when we experience life as so beyond miserable that NOTHING else can inspire us?

The answer surprised me…

When *nothing* else can, only 1 thing works: entertaining distraction.

That’s because when life seems miserable, your mind is so consumed by a negative state that it can’t even recognize there’s a positive aspect to the world. This negativity becomes a habit so bound to your psychological state that it can only be broken by completely severing your connection to that negativity.

That isn’t easy because it requires an equal and opposite consuming force.

Something so consuming that you completely forget about the negativity long enough to break the downward spiral your mind is in.

And in a moment where you lack even the basic self-awareness to realize you’re in a deeply negative state and you don’t want to be, there’s almost nothing you can do to bring yourself up.

That’s why in my experience with extreme circumstances, entertainment and distraction are the keys to opening that door. It becomes a way that the mind can literally “forget” about the negativity. All it takes is a small crack to let a little bit of the light in.

There’s two things to keep in mind about this though:

(1) Make sure that your entertaining distraction includes humor and/or inspiration.

No horror movies. No purely action flicks. No dramas. All of those will only serve to reinforce your negative state in one way or another.

Instead, fill your mind with stories of success and triumph. Fill your heart with moments of laughter and joy. In other words: choose something that can help align you with the way you’d like to live.

(2) Don’t make the entertaining distraction a habit of its own.

When you do that, you’re only trading one distraction for another. And while it may feel better, it perpetuates the lie of positive thinking. That keeps you from living a truly happy and fulfilled life.

Instead, see the entertaining distraction as a momentary gateway to lift you up. From that initial lift, start re-using your personal transformation tools: meditation, affirmations, brainwave entrainment, EFT, and whatever else you can think of.

The entertainment and distraction won’t heal the fundamental problems that brought you into a negative state. Only self-awareness has that ability.

Still, when you find yourself completely down and out… in a negative hole you can’t find your way out of — find an entertaining distraction. And if at all possible, one that will make you laugh.

If you can find a laugh, you can find a light. 🙂

Your Partner In Transformation,
Chris Cade
Liberate Your Life

P.S. Out of curiousity, what inspires you when nothing else can? Press REPLY and let me know!

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