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What it Means to “Hold On” to Your Pain – Chris caade

Apr 22nd, 2012
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by Chris Cade

Recently I shared with you a bit about happiness, and my friend Arina’s explorations into the topic. While it’s important to find ways to cultivate happiness, there’s also a silent (or sometimes not-so-silent) killer of happiness: our pain.

Many people hold onto their pain like a kind of “badge of honor.” In fact, most of us have some aspect of our history, something painful or difficult, that we have a silent sense of pride about… as though when we tell the story, we know people will empathize with us. We’ll be seen. We’ll be comforted.

In fact, we might even mistake the support we receive for a distorted illusion of happiness.

Since that kind of connection between people feels supportive, we hold onto the story of our pain. We can tell the story again sometime (even if it’s just to ourselves). The interesting thing about “holding onto our pain” is that it actually takes us away from happiness, authentic communication, and it prevents us from living our lives fully.

When we “hold onto” our pain, when we bring our past difficult stories with us, what we’re really saying is: “I don’t want to be here, right now, as things are. I also don’t want to know what potential my future holds. I’m more interested in being with the more familiar experience of my painful and uncomfortable feelings.”

Nobody wants to admit that to themselves.

Yet it happens -every- time we continue to dwell in pain over something that is not occurring in the present moment. This can be as simple as telling your friend later in the day about that “jerk” who cut you off in traffic, that co-worker who talked bad about you behind your back, or your partner or friend who was so involved in his/her own story that you never got a chance to actually connect.

It happens in big and small ways. It happens to me every day. Not because I want the pain. Not because I want to avoid the present moment or the future. It happens because that’s a habit of the Inner Critic and my subconscious mind.

(and yours too)

If I were to oversimplify, I would say that when we “hold onto” our pain, what we’re really doing is giving up on life. After all, if we truly felt otherwise, we’d live in the moment and not in the past where our stories of pain reside.

Byron Katie nailed it when she named her book, “Who would you be without your story?” Really. Candidly speaking, while I have a few clues as to who I’d be, I don’t truly know. Not from a 24-7 experiential perspective.

And if you’re reading my messages, this is also true of you to some degree… :)

Your Partner In Transformation,
Chris Cade
Liberate Your Life

P.S. To be clear, I’m not suggesting that acknowledging or experiencing your pain is bad. In fact, it’s absolutely necessary to living a happy and fulfilled life.

Thus the question for you to explore is: How can you live so that the inevitable pain of being human doesn’t become a story (or badge of honor) that drags you back into the past?

If you would like to take the next step with Chris, sign up sign up for his Free “Getting Things Changed” 7-part mini-program that exposes the inner and outer obstacles conspiring against your best efforts to transform your life.

 

Click Here Now to get started…

http://www.chriscade.com/go/?af=12444&url=getting-things-changed/register

Be Happy by Being Happy – Elaine Lockard

Apr 21st, 2012
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By Elaine Lockard
Okay, I hear your first thought – What?

Take a moment and think about it. The over arching want and need of every human being, the general conclusion to all our journeys, is to be happy, fulfilled, and contented.

Happiness is more than a pleasant moment or an agreeable sensation. It is a way of Being and of relating to the circumstances and events of your life. It transcends your momentary and your life-long conditions.

Happiness is a choice and a discipline which defines the manner in which you experience your world. Authentic and enduring happiness is contingent on what’s inside you rather than on outside situations. It is a byproduct of cultivating your inner peace and strength.

Practicing the Art of Happiness sets you free–not from experiencing negative emotions–but from being enslaved by them.

But how do you reach this place of Happiness when you “don’t know” what you want and how to make it happen?

Well, you start sorting this out by first learning or relearning what makes you Happy and places you in a state of “Being Happy”. This life altering exercise allows you to discover all the answers to the above. It is your gauge, your “Internal Happiness Gauge”, to help you weigh each experience and sort through to find your answers.

Here is a way to put this to work for you.

First, set up your “Internal Happiness Gauge”. Create a scale from 1-10 with 1 being the lowest Happiness you received from an item or occurrence to 10 which would represent Ecstasy, Supreme Happiness and Joy. Decide what each increment of the scale will represent for you in your definition of Happiness. Then, it’s suggested you start and make a daily entry into a “Happiness Journal” and rate it according to your “gauge”.

In addition, you will want to make a place in your journal each day to write down what you are grateful for. In essence, your journal will be a “Happiness and Gratitude Journal” all-in-one, since they compliment and support one another and are beneficial in your discovery process.

Now, I know you hear a lot about journaling but this process can take a while and you need a tool to help you remember how you felt about a particular thing or circumstance. It also allows you to go deep inside to sort out and record the many possible levels of insight this will bring. So I strongly encourage you not to skip these steps.

After doing this preliminary set up, start your process by writing down and “gauging” the things you already know make you Happy and that you are grateful for. In addition, start taking 5 to 10 minutes, at minimum, each day to do something that is “outside your box”, so to speak, to find out if it makes you Happy and where it falls on your “Gauge”. Get very creative here and don’t be afraid to try new things. These will help you to arrive at your answers faster when added to the things you’ve not done in a while or forgotten.

Some examples might be:

-a walk in a creek while barefoot
-skipping rope
-singing a song you just created on the spot at the top of your lungs
-coloring in a coloring book with crayons
-walking backwards
-calling an old friend
-trying something new like a sport or a new way to drive home

This list could go on and on and as I said, let yourself get really creative here. Then record what you did and how it felt by your “Gauge” and record any other thoughts or feelings which come up around this for you. If something particularly seems to hit a button or a right spot for you, dig a bit deeper and explore what underlies what you are feeling and experiencing. You can see here how important the journal is to help you remember and sort through all of what you are experiencing.

This will begin your process of knowing what makes you Happy and you build from there.

As you start seeing areas or thoughts that reoccur for you, you will begin to differentiate what makes you Happy and what does not. It allows you to begin to see answers to what you want and how you want to do it. It allows you to begin to make conscious choices and decisions based on what makes you Happy so to operate from a state of “Being Happy” to find out how to “Be” continuously Happy.

Remember, Happiness is a choice and a discipline. By practicing the art of “Being Happy”, it sets you free from being controlled or ruled by fear or other negative emotions and helps you in your growth of inner peace and strength.

As I said before, this can be lengthy process, all meaningful personal growth and development work has that possibility. However, you can be helped and supported along the way to facilitate a faster breakthrough. This is where I can be of service. If you feel you are not moving fast enough, are coming up with more questions than answers, are encountering a fear, are unfocused, are finding excuses not to do this process or are feeling blocked, we can discuss possibilities and options of how I can be of service to you during this life altering, very important process. You may contact me by replying to this email, by calling my office at 757-877-1440, by submitting a contact form on my website or by clicking the link in the sidebar to book a time to talk.

Learn to change “I don’t know” to “I do know” and Be Happy by Being Happy!

To Your Bright, Shining Outcomes!! Elaine

Self Esteem Affirmations – Jeff Staniforth

Apr 20th, 2012
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Today’s affirmations are in the areas of – “Self Esteem”

by Jeff Staniforth

Self Esteem:

 

* I am a special, loving and unique person.
* I am happy just being me.
* Through love I can forgive myself.
* I make a difference to the world.
* I deserve to be happy and successful.
* I now choose to be happy.
* I love doing things that make me happy.
* I deserve the best and I am open to receiving it.
* I have the power to make positive changes in my life.
* Through love I can forgive others.
* I now choose to be successful.
* I treat myself as a divine and loving person.

Let Me Tell You About “God” – by Chris Cade

Apr 19th, 2012
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by Chris Cade

Just saying the word “God” sends some people into a rage and others into profound peace. It causes wars and creates divine unions. People blame God for the bad in their lives while praising God for the gifts.

I find it amazing how one word can have such different meanings to so many people. There are as many meanings for the word “God” as there are people on the planet.

To some, God is personified – an all-knowing sentient being who consciously and intentionally creates situations (whether it’s pleasure or suffering, peace or war, cancer or miracle healings).
To others, God is an omnipresent field of organizing energy which has no conscious awareness, yet all consciousness arises from.
And others don’t even acknowledge the concept of “God” in any form.
Regardless of what you may believe about God…
Regardless of what you may have discovered to be personally true about God…
I think it’s important to really acknowledge that God means different things to different people. The thing is, what I’m writing isn’t really about God.
It’s about you and every experience you’ve ever had, are having, and will have. Because each and every one of them, every thought, every emotion, every story you’ve ever told yourself…
Means something different to you than it does to anybody else.

And if we can get so riled up about a three-letter word such as “God,” consider how much more we get riled up each and every day with entire sentences! :)

Your Partner In Transformation,
Chris Cade
Liberate Your Life

P.P.S. Only by acknowledging how you fundamentally view the world differently from others can you develop the awareness to have compassion for those who are different from you.

P.P.S. And by “those who are different from you,” I mean everybody you ever come into contact with.
If you would like to take the next step with Chris, sign up sign up for his Free “Getting Things Changed” 7-part mini-program that exposes the inner and outer obstacles conspiring against your best efforts to transform your life.

Click Here Now to get started…
http://www.chriscade.com/go/?af=12444&url=getting-things-changed/register

The Difference Between Your Ego and Your Inner Critic – Chris Cade

Apr 18th, 2012
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One of my Liberate Your Life program participants emailed me this week and asked that very question. It’s an interesting one, and I thought I’d share with you how I answer it within the body of my work. Although other peoples’ work may define these things differently, this is what works for me and for the people I work with.

Think of the Ego as your identity.

It’s who you take yourself to be. Maybe that’s a man or woman, mother or father, daughter or son. Maybe it’s an employee, a manager, a friend, and so on and so forth. You could sum up “Ego” as the who and what of your thoughts about yourself.

Think of the “Inner Critic” as the judgmental critical voice that has opinions *about* your Ego.

For example, the Inner Critic might look at the list I just wrote and expand it like this: “Insensitive man, ugly woman, unavailable mother, inconsistent father, distant daughter, burdensome son, incompetent employee, overbearing manager, callous friend” and so on and so forth. You could sum up “Inner Critic” as your opinions about yourself.

I’m aware that some people teach the ego to be “bad” or something to “rid” ourselves of. Unfortunately, that perspective *IS* the Inner Critic trying to judge how a person should go about their own path of inner growth.

(that’s just a more cunning version of the Inner Critic)

Rather than think of the Ego as something to get rid of, I prefer to think of it as something to understand. It’s not inherently bad to be a parent. However, it is important to understand what it means to be a parent, how that awareness affects your life, and how you can live both as a parent in the worldn… -without- all the judgments of the Inner Critic about what kind of parent it thinks you are.

Similarly, while I sometimes joke about “obliterating” the Inner Critic, that perspective only has very limited use (for the purposes of channeling certain types of aggressive energy more effectively).

As I teach in Liberate Your Life, it came to be in your life for very important, survival-based reasons. Rather than try to “get rid” of the Inner Critic, again I find it most useful to try and understand it. Explore it.

In my experience, trying to get rid of certain thoughts within my head is only a temporary remedy. The thoughts always come back. The only approach that has ever given me truly lasting freedom from the harsh judgments of my Inner Critic is awareness and understanding.

I hope those examples help clarify, at least within my evolving and developing body of work, where the differences lie between the Ego and the Inner Critic.

Your Partner In Transformation,
Chris Cade
Liberate Your Life

What Inspires You When Nothing Else Can? – Chris Cade

Apr 6th, 2012
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My friend Jaime Mintun recently posted on her blog, “What Inspires You When Nothing Else Can?” I got to thinking about that question rather seriously, and what I discovered was interesting.

The spirit of the question was intended as “When you can’t get yourself going, what do you do to get going?” Inspirational quotes, thoughts, videos, poems, stories, etc.

And while I use those on a regular basis, if we don’t take them in fully, they become just more platitudes and cliches for false positive thinking (like my recent email, “The LIE about positive thinking.”)

In my serious discovery, I decided to take the question further and explore it from a “Dark Night of the Soul” perspective. In other words, what can we do when we experience life as so beyond miserable that NOTHING else can inspire us?

The answer surprised me…

When *nothing* else can, only 1 thing works: entertaining distraction.

That’s because when life seems miserable, your mind is so consumed by a negative state that it can’t even recognize there’s a positive aspect to the world. This negativity becomes a habit so bound to your psychological state that it can only be broken by completely severing your connection to that negativity.

That isn’t easy because it requires an equal and opposite consuming force.

Something so consuming that you completely forget about the negativity long enough to break the downward spiral your mind is in.

And in a moment where you lack even the basic self-awareness to realize you’re in a deeply negative state and you don’t want to be, there’s almost nothing you can do to bring yourself up.

That’s why in my experience with extreme circumstances, entertainment and distraction are the keys to opening that door. It becomes a way that the mind can literally “forget” about the negativity. All it takes is a small crack to let a little bit of the light in.

There’s two things to keep in mind about this though:

(1) Make sure that your entertaining distraction includes humor and/or inspiration.

No horror movies. No purely action flicks. No dramas. All of those will only serve to reinforce your negative state in one way or another.

Instead, fill your mind with stories of success and triumph. Fill your heart with moments of laughter and joy. In other words: choose something that can help align you with the way you’d like to live.

(2) Don’t make the entertaining distraction a habit of its own.

When you do that, you’re only trading one distraction for another. And while it may feel better, it perpetuates the lie of positive thinking. That keeps you from living a truly happy and fulfilled life.

Instead, see the entertaining distraction as a momentary gateway to lift you up. From that initial lift, start re-using your personal transformation tools: meditation, affirmations, brainwave entrainment, EFT, and whatever else you can think of.

The entertainment and distraction won’t heal the fundamental problems that brought you into a negative state. Only self-awareness has that ability.

Still, when you find yourself completely down and out… in a negative hole you can’t find your way out of — find an entertaining distraction. And if at all possible, one that will make you laugh.

If you can find a laugh, you can find a light. :)

Your Partner In Transformation,
Chris Cade
Liberate Your Life

P.S. Out of curiousity, what inspires you when nothing else can? Press REPLY and let me know!

Escaping the Matrix

Mar 21st, 2012
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“Escaping the Matrix”
By Edwin Harkness Spina

“The Matrix” was one of the most popular and thought- provoking movies of all time. Viewers all over the world were captivated by the film’s primary message…

People get into deep trouble when they mistake what they
*perceive* for *reality*.

What most viewers do not realize is that prior to the release of this groundbreaking film, western intelligence agencies were already using the term “the Matrix” to describe today’s world.

This was in contrast to their work with remote viewers, who would “escape the matrix” to gather intelligence.
Art truly does imitate life.

In the movie, the Matrix is an elaborate Artificial Intelligence computer simulation that’s so captivating that people mistake it for reality.

People perceive they are walking about and interacting with others, but their physical bodies are actually submerged in fluid-filled pods, “plugged into” the Matrix, while their vital life force is harnessed to power the Matrix.

After Neo (Keanu Reaves) learns the truth, with the help of Morpheus’s (Lawrence Fishburne) training, he is able to overcome his misconception that the Matrix is reality.

Neo rebels against the machines that create his false reality and, eventually, he escapes the limitations of the Matrix.

To others, he has developed superhuman abilities, but “in reality,” he has merely recognized the truth.

Escaping the Matrix is a metaphor for the mystic path to enlightenment.

The Matrix can be defined as the world that we perceive, which includes the physical world, as well as higher planes of emotions and thoughts, which also affect us.

Within the Matrix, are countless fear-based thoughts and emotions that condition us to accept limitations. We are taught that we have little power, and what little power we do have, we are advised to delegate to authority figures and experts.

Swimming in a sea of negative thoughts, we are prompted to use our creative ability to imagine even more negative thoughts. Without introspection, the Matrix gets darker and more dense.

Anyone who blindly accepts these prevalent, negative thoughts will have his or her life path dictated by the Matrix.

But those who recognize that *it is our collective thoughts and beliefs that power the Matrix will recognize the way
out.*

When we incarnate on earth, we temporarily forget the higher truth of who we are. Our life mission is to remember, to connect with our innermost self, so that we may transcend the Matrix.

The reality we perceive with our senses is not the true reality, but merely a small portion of reality, masquerading as the whole.

But, unlike the “alternate reality” that Neo must extricate himself from, in our “reality,” there is no need to rebel.
Rather, our goal should be to transcend. We want to “be in this world, but not of it.”

The outer world is a reflection of our inner thoughts and beliefs, whether individual or collective, which have been conditioned by our experience in the Matrix.

Consequently, the Matrix is a learning environment, where we get feedback on how our thoughts manifest.

Thankfully, our negative thoughts do not (typically) manifest instantaneously. Otherwise, we would risk the spontaneous destruction of our world by thinking negative thoughts.

Clearing yourself of negative energies through daily meditation can provide a direct link to the “ultimate reality,” i.e., the pure consciousness residing within each of us.

As your negative beliefs are purified through regular contact with the “light” of your divine nature, unhealthy emotions, such as fear and anger, will naturally begin to diminish, and you’ll be free to transcend to higher states of consciousness.

You will “download” more of your own true self, while simultaneously and automatically attracting others of similar vibration.

Your world will become more synchronistic. You will repel angry, fearful people, and those who stick around will become calmer and more centered. You will radiate love.

By simply *being* in higher consciousness, you will have a greater effect on the world than the most gifted orators and political leaders.

The higher your consciousness and energy are vibrating, the faster your thoughts will manifest. When you align with your innermost self, you are aligned more closely with the Source of all creation.

At the apex of your individual consciousness, you are connected with The One. You then have at your disposal the entire universe to help you manifest the highest good for all.

In actuality, we are single points of awareness in the Oneness that is Reality. What we interpret as the physical world is the projection of this awareness, which is taking place in the Mind of God. We are, as Shakespeare pointed out, merely “actors” in a divine play.

When we wake up to this knowledge, the play does not stop.
We are free to act or interact, in bliss and peace, unattached to the Matrix. We have within us the power to create “heaven on earth.”

If you want to release fear, eliminate anger, dis-identify with your emotions, take back your power, listen to your inner master, and be yourself… then you have to escape the Matrix.

The Still, Small Voice

Mar 20th, 2012
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“The Still, Small Voice”
by John Harricharan

Often, it seems, we come upon a problem that takes all our strength to even begin to figure how to solve it. As time goes on, it appears that every problem we encounter becomes more difficult than the previous one. How can we proceed when it appears that the world is crashing all around?

What choices do we make? Where do we go for help? How do we cope? What road do we choose? Obviously, Yogi Berra’s statement, “When you come to a fork in the road, take it” does not bring us great comfort at such times.

Some of us analyze the facts and study the intricacies of the problem. This is good, but analysis is not
always enough. Then again, we may not and cannot know all the facts. Analysis alone may lead to the
“paralysis of analysis.” And facts may not be facts after all. Many of them may just be opinions.

So how do we deal with our most troubling challenges? By using a combination of methods and means. Remember, there are only three types of problems in life: money, health and relationship. Name any problem you have and, if you look closely, you’d see that it falls under one or more of these.

Within each and every one of us is a guidance mechanism that always points the way to overcome challenges. It doesn’t matter whether the problem you are facing is large or small. It really is not important whether it’s a problem of money, health, relationship or a combination of these. The first thing to realize is that you are more powerful than any problem that comes your way.

You came into this world equipped with all the tools necessary to solve all your problems. Deep within us is a place that’s not affected by problems as we see them. Way, way deep in our hearts and souls is the perfect solution to any problem that may come our way. All we have to do is work with the guidance mechanism that we all have.

To start accessing this mechanism, the first requirement is that we become quiet. All of us keep up
a lively, running dialogue in our heads. We have to quiet the dialogue for at least a short while so we can receive information from the deepest part of our souls. Then the voice of intuition will speak to us.

A number of times a day, choose a few minutes to be quiet. By being quiet, what I am really saying is to
turn down the volume of your self-talk. It won’t entirely go away, but it would become quiet enough so
that we could hear the “still small voice” of our inner-sense whispering guidance to us.

Listen intently to the messages you’re getting from your inner-self. Do not force it or try to interpret
what you’re hearing. Just listen with an open mind. At first, it’ll seem a bit difficult to do this. But as
you practice, it will become much easier. And as it becomes easier, it’ll become more useful.

The solutions to all your problems exist right now. The answers are already there. Just listen for them in the quietness of your being and they will come to you — perhaps not immediately, but very soon. And trust the process; it works much better and faster when you trust it.

Keep an open mind. Don’t argue or analyze the messages you get from your intuition. Sometimes the message may not make sense right away. Just go on with your daily work and you’ll start finding that you get hunches about what is troubling you most. Follow your hunches. They are God’s messengers trying to lead you to your greatest good.

If you practice this seemingly simple exercise, you would find that guidance comes to you in many forms and in many ways. The answer to your problem may come to you while you’re taking a shower, driving to the supermarket, walking the dog or even in your sleep as a dream.

You may even find answers in a song on the radio, the words on a billboard or a phone call from a friend. The universe has all the answers to our problems. Be guided by the great wisdom within you. Trust yourself and trust your God. You are the universe’s special project and you cannot fail.

Affirmations – Feeling Good

Mar 19th, 2012
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by Jeff Staniforth

Today’s affirmations are in the areas of – “Feeling Good”

Feeling Good:

* I deserve to love and be loved.
* I am willing to be loved and love.
* I deserve to feel great.
* I am willing to feel great.
* I now feel happy and blissful just being alive.
* I feel fantastic.
* I am a loving person.
* I am a beautiful person.
* I love to experience excitement about my life.
* I am open to feeling great.
* My belief in me is creating miracles in my life.

The Lie About Positive Thinking – Chris Cade

Mar 17th, 2012
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by Chris Cade

You’ve heard it all before…

“Think more positively and you’ll get what you want. Visualize, affirm, and manifestation will happen effortlessly. Oh and be sure to overcome those pesky limiting beliefs! Affirmations, gratitude, and positive thinking will cover that one for you. Life is easy if you just think positively enough!”

I have one word to say about that kind of positive thinking…

LIE.

Delusional.

Misleading.

Uninformed.

Detrimental.

Okay, so by the time my subconscious was done ranting I discovered I had more than just one word. :)

That’s not to say positive thinking is bad. It’s fundamentally important to living a happy, fulfilled, engaged life. However, the lie and myth is that positive thinking is all that’s needed.

The reality is that we have difficult and painful emotions for a reason. They arise out of a self-protective compassionate need to SERVE our selves more effectively. Like physical pain, emotional pain is a compass that helps us see when things aren’t quite working right inside ourselves.

When we ignore physical pain or mask it over with overmedication, our body degenerates and ultimately finds more pain (not less). The same is true when we use Positive Thinking as a form of “overmedication” for our soul.

By not honoring and owning our emotional pain, then our soul… our heart… our spirit… call it what you will… ultimately will degenerate. Our psyche isn’t designed to repress and suppress pain indefinitely. That’s a big reason why some higly successful people have emotional breakdowns. They just kept overmedicating (or ignoring) until finally they couldn’t do it anymore.

The flip-side is equally as dangerous. When we completely identify with the negative painful thoughts, when we allow them to run our lives, to make us forget how magnificent we inherently are, then we also breakdown. We aren’t designed that way either.

Instead, I suggest accepting and acknowledging painful emotions as a compass – like a thermometer – to help you more effectively focus your attention and energy. Notice the “warning signs” that negative thinking presents to you. It’s not like I never have negative thoughts. I have them every day!

The thing is, I don’t take them so seriously. I strive to see them for what they are: helpful information that can point me TOWARDS living a happier and more positive life. They show me where more attention and self-care is needed in my life.

By using negative thoughts and painful emotions in that way, then the positive thinking is no longer a crutch – it’s no longer an addictive medicine that silently degenerates us until it’s too late.

Instead, positive thinking becomes a support to help you through the negative thoughts and ultimately take your happiness to the next level.

Chris Cade

If you would like to take the next step with Chris, sign up sign up for his Free “Getting Things Changed” 7-part mini-program that exposes the inner and outer obstacles conspiring against your best efforts to transform your life.

 

Click Here Now to get started…

http://www.chriscade.com/go/?af=12444&url=getting-things-changed/register

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