Why Insults Hurt – Chris Cade

by Chris Cade   At the beginning of this year, I posted on Facebook the following thought of mine: "If you know that you are living authentically and with integrity, there is nothing anybody else can say to you that will shake that. Other peoples' insults hurt because at least some small (or big) part of you believes the insult to be true." A woman named Jana replied with this: "Maybe the insults hurt because someone cruel enough to say them directed them at you for no good reason except their own jealousy or intent to hurt. That does happen. Yes you need a thick skin, but no one wants to be reviled, deserved or not." Though this might sound like a technicality, I'd like you to consider another possibility that is both subtle and has important implications. The -insults- always hurt because some part of you identifies with the insult. Put another way: You have a reaction to the insult because some part of you believes two things to be true about it: (1) That the insult is true (2) That the insult reflects negatively on you If you believe those two things when somebody insults you, then you'll…

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Are you Opened or Closed – Chris Cade

Here's a quick and simple "test" to see how open you are in a given moment: Is your body physically more open or closed? For example ... - Are your arms crossed? Is your body hunched or curled over? You are probably feeling defensive and closed. - Are your arms outstretched or facing upwards? Is your body upright? These are more open and welcoming postures. "Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are." - Chinese Proverb The other thing to consider is how your body feels in a given moment. When life is going your way, when it's smooth and flowing, you typically feel relaxed. It's your natural state. On the other hand, when life is tough and there's challenges, usually you'll feel tense and constricted. This is a sign that you're not aligned with your True Nature. Same is true of your body. When it's tense, that's a sign that it's out of balance and not as "open" to the world. When you feel relaxed, there's an inherent openness that welcomes all of the world into your experience. As always though, don't take my word for this. Try it out. :) Notice what you're…

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Forcing the Issue – Chris Cade

by Chris Cade

As you know, I have a passion for rapid personal growth. Since most of us transform our lives relatively slowly (if at all), there’s a real benefit to knowing how to make transformations quickly. Since we have a limited time on Earth then it serves us to know how to optimize our lives.

This doesn’t mean that it’s in our best interests to always be pushing ourselves to be faster, better, and more. That’s not what I’m suggesting. What I am suggesting is that if life is our schoolroom, how can we make the most effective use of that experience? How can we allow life to serve us as fully as possible?

One way is to “force the issue.”
Or to phrase it differently: We can enter into situations in which a learning experience with growth is the inevitable, eventual, and guaranteed outcome of a particular experience.
We could go into those situations both willingly and unwillingly. For example, we experience this during times of extreme duress when our preferred outer-world options are limited or even eliminated. It could come in the form of being fired from work, the death of a loved one or a relationship that ends, an unexpectedly severe and debilitating illness, or any other number of unwanted yet extreme situations.
These “force” us to choose either a path of growth or a path of destruction. We’ll learn from both directions. That’s inevitable. It’s eventual. And growth is a guaranteed outcome. It may not be growth as we think of it in a “positive” sense. Destruction might cause us to go into a place so dark that whatever we learn is pushed down into our subconscious. Still, learning happens through every experience. The more extreme the experience, the more severe it is, the greater the growth.
Ideally as we live a more conscious life, the path of destruction fades away and growth comes to the forefront. Rather than curl up into a ball and wait for the metaphorical pounding to stop, we can stand up and step forward. This is not easy. It takes a lot of courage, willpower, and strength. It takes dedication to your growth. And it is incredibly rewarding.

On the other hand, what if you don’t have to wait for life to hand you those situations? What if you could create them yourselves?

You can. One way is to limit your options. This is a way to “force the issue” in your daily life. Here’s a few examples…
Eating healthier: Throw away all your unhealthy food. Buy healthy food.
Breaking an addiction: Get rid of what you’re addicted to. Lock it up. Hide it. Do anything you can to make it incredibly difficult to access.
Starting a new business: Quit your job.
Getting some rest and relaxation: Tell your employer (and anybody else necessary) you’re taking a day or few off. (more…)

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Love Yourself – From Chris Cade

Every once in a while, the Universe does something awesome - right now, right this second was one of those awesome things.   This morning I posted a blog post about the importance of being a friend to yourself and loving yourself. Just a few minutes ago in an email, I received this from Chris Cade.  Talk about synchronicity! A couple of days ago was Valentine's Day. All across the world, people experienced a variety of emotions. Though there's three primary ones I've noticed seem to be most common: (1) A deep affection and love (usually towards others) It seems that by giving ourselves a "reason" to love, it activates that part of ourselves that finds reasons to experience, express, and share our love. This is not unlike a sentimental photo that reminds us of a past moment we cherished. "Valentine's Day" can act as a symbol to look inward and live more fully outward. (2) Indifference For me, most Valentine's Days pass with irrelevance. Every day is an opportunity to experience, express, and share love. Rather than having to "find" a reason, I focus on removing the inner blocks so I naturally experience those reasons more frequently. with each passing…

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One Step Backward. Two Steps Forward – Chris Cade

by Chris Cade "There actually are great spiritual secrets. They exist. The thing about spiritual secrets is that you can tell them openly. Because the ability to understand something and then the power to integrate into your life are two very different things." - Guy Finley As people on the path of conscious living, we almost always have a gap between what we know and how we live. That's not a bad thing. It's just that living 100% of what we believe to be true is difficult because there's so many subconscious barriers to doing it. We might live 75% of what we know on one day. Then life challenges shift us closer to 50%. Then we do some inner work, and it bounces up to 80%. And this process continues. This kind of "two steps forward one step back" is fundamental on the path of conscious living. On one hand, we can punish ourselves emotionally for not doing what we "know" is right. That's the Inner Critic taking its hold on us. Telling us we "know better" and "should do better." On the other hand, we can accept our humanity and recognize that each step "back" is an opportunity to…

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But That’s Not Spiritual – Chris Cade

by Chris Cade I can't count the number of times in the past that I've thought to myself something wasn't "spiritual." In my case, a lot of it had to do with work and not getting enough sleep. I didn't think that working could be spiritual (after all, it's just money, right?). When I had really bad sleep problems and insomnia, I didn't think sleep was "spiritual." Sleep was just another thing on the "to do" list in my already too-few-hours in a day.I thought my job was separate from my spiritual life. I thought that what I ate, how I ate it, and whether I exercised was physical (NOT SPIRITUAL).  I believed my friendships and relationships weren't spiritual. And the reason I thought those things weren't "spiritual" is because they didn't fit into my idea of what was spiritual. I only considered things like "meditation" or "seminars" or "workshops" to be spiritual. If I wasn't doing those things, then whatever I was doing was not "spiritual." I was always separating in my mind, heart, and in my life, what was spiritual from what was not. And whether we realize it or not (I didn't at the time), this kind of…

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How Are You?

by Chris Cade That's an interesting question. This question is asked at least millions of times per day across the globe. Many times the question "How are you?" passes from employee to customer without even being noticed. Strangers might not even hear the question. Those who notice the question, most frequently answer with a commonly expected response: "Fine" or "Good." It's an automatic response that is avoids connection and/or potential confrontation. I know at least for me, there used to be a little voice in the back of my mind that said, "They don't REALLY care how I am. She was just being nice. It's her job at the store to ask those questions." Sometimes that was true. I could sense that the person didn't care. But that doesn't change the fact that a part of me was afraid to engage the other person. What did it matter? We'd only talk for 10 seconds anyway. Why bother being open and vulnerable? It wasn't until a few years ago that I decided to make my best conscious effort to answer "How are you?" honestly. Some days that means I'm wonderful, delighted, having a great day, or simply feeling well. Other days,…

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The True Meaning of Patience

by Chris Cade Many people believe that being "patient" means that you're capable of waiting for something. The more patient you are, the longer you can wait... and you can even wait for "bigger" or "better" things. The most patient people appear calm even when they want something desperately. The dictionary defines patience like this: Capacity For Waiting: The ability to endure waiting, delay, or provocation without becoming annoyed or upset. But is this really patience? Perhaps for the general population, yes. I certainly used to think so. That is probably why so many people consider me a patient person. I have the capacity to delay gratification significantly when needed. I remain calm in extreme circumstances. I'm not certain that's real patience though. What if real patience is more personal? More immediate? More "in the now?" Here's how I would redefine patience: Capacity For Being: The ability to be in the present moment regardless of your circumstances. The difference between the two is interesting. The first and most commonly accepted definition focuses on the future. It assumes there is something "out there" that we are "waiting" for. In other words, trying to be patient requires always pulling our attention towards…

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Old? Get Out! New? Bring it on!

by Chris Cade Or phrased another way, "Out with the old and in with the new." This is the mantra billions of people worldwide have been saying to them as the new year passed from 2011 to 2012. People have made resolutions to be different than they were. To lose weight, meditate more, save money, work harder, start a new business, start a new relationship, exercise more, judge others less, begin personal transformation programs, and so on and so forth. The list goes on. What I find interesting is how all this relates to forgiveness. Most people have the idea that forgiveness is something they give to another person. "I forgive you for hurting me" we might say to a friend or family member. But that's not true forgiveness. True forgiveness is "out with the old and in with the new." It is a letting go of what was to make space for what is. Real forgiveness is the opportunity to see what lies here and now without being clouded by the memories of the past. Put in financial terms: "Past performance does not predict the future." Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying to just discard memories. Forgetting means…

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Exonerate – Chris Cade

by Chris Cade

Definition of “Exonerate:”
1. To free from blame.

2. To free from a responsibility, obligation, or task.

 

The first example is how it’s used in the common context of legal matters. An innocent man exonerated after the evidence proves his case. If a person is lucky, she’ll even be exonerated before she is even charged with a crime.

 

The second definition is quite interesting in the context of personal transformation. What does it mean to be “free from a responsibility, obligation, or task”?

 

Consider this…

(more…)

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