From Chris Cade
What would your life be like if you said and believed, “Today is a good day” independent of what actually happened to you? The answer to that question is what it means to be truly happy. However, if you want to discover the answer then you have to ask another question that goes deeper:
“What does my heart truly want?”
It is in the wanting that you discover how to feel truly lasting happiness. Society, and your life’s conditioning, have falsely led you to believe that the wantings of your heart must be fulfilled in order for you to be filled with happiness.
But nothing could be further from the truth…
How often have you heard about millionaires who are unhappy, even though they have “everything” anybody could ever want? The reason: Money can never buy what it represents. You hope that by having the money you will be happier, when in reality, most people would gladly give up all the money in the world just to be happy.
In that example about millionaires, you can see that it has nothing to do with acquiring the money, and everything to do with the feeling of being happy. And this is actually true of anything that you want. When your heart has ‘holes’ in it, when it has those places that are unfulfilled, then no matter what you seek in the outside world, you will never acquire enough to feel whole again. Your acquisitions, at best, will temporarily distract you from the hole you feel inside from feeling un-whole, unworthy, or unloved. In other words, the tangible can never purchase the intangible.
Instead, you must follow your heart’s desires. Your heart knows what truly fills you with happiness, yet so often, people ignore those deeper desires because of past conditionings. In your youth, parents, peers, and authority figures, probably told you – in some way or another – that your dreams were childish, that you didn’t deserve them, or they justified why you couldn’t have them.
And somewhere along the way, you probably started to believe them. 🙁
Yet nothing could be further from the truth. Your dreams do matter, and in fact, rekindling those dreams is the key to experiencing happiness more fully in your life.
Remember that you don’t have to justify to anybody why you want something. Your wants are valid of their own right, regardless of what they are.
Simply experiencing the fullness of your wanting is enough to bring you happiness, and the way to do that is to accept yourself. In fact, nothing is more liberating than giving yourself permission to be exactly as you are right now. Nothing. Justifying your heart’s desires is like trying to stop water from going over a waterfall. There is nothing heavier in your heart than telling yourself that you “should” be happy.
That’s because when you tell yourself how you “should” be, you restrain yourself from being as you truly are. Your mind then minimizes your experience, puts expectations on what happiness is and should be, and tells you lies like, “If only I were liked more… if only I had more money… if only my husband/wife/best friend would… then I could be happy.”
This is also why happiness has nothing to do with what you’re getting, and everything to do with what you’re getting rid of.
It has to do with getting rid of the past conditionings that restrict your heart’s desires. It has to do with getting rid of those expectations you place on yourself about who you should be and how you should be. And experiencing true happiness has to do with getting rid of the belief that acquisitions and experiences will fill the holes in your heart where you wish happiness would take up a permanent residence.
With that in mind, here’s a few exercises you can use, right now, to explore how to move from a place of wanting happiness, to experiencing your wants as happiness:
First, write down 10 things that restrict your happiness. These can be expectations you put on yourself, comparisons you make, doubts you have, memories from childhood, or any other number of possibilities. You can probably think of more than 10, but that’s a good start.
Once you’ve done that, reflect on those things and truly feel their weight. Some of them may not feel very good, in fact, they may bring tears to your eyes as you realize how much you’ve held your heart back from being happy. You may feel anger or resentment towards those people who discouraged your dreams or caused you to feel unhappy. These emotions are natural, and trust me, they’re part of the process.
Only when we understand why we have been unhappy are we then enabled to become happy again.
The next step is much simpler, and certainly more enjoyable. Close your eyes and breathe in and out slowly. While you do this, place your mental attention on your heart, and imagine that your breath is going into your heart during your inhale, and out of your heart on the exhale.
I know you’re reading this because you want to experience more happiness in your life, and if that’s true, then you also need to be willing to do the exercises. What good is going to the doctor and getting a prescription, if you’re not going to take the pills? Trust me, these words aren’t going anywhere.
So stop for just a minute.
Do the above exercise.
I’ll be waiting for you when you return. 🙂
……….
………
……..
…….
……
…..
….
…
..
.
Okay. Now ask your heart this question, “What do I truly, deeply want?” And write down as many things as you possibly can. Do this for at least five or ten minutes.
After you’ve written all of them down, the next step is for you to sort out our list by the ones which are conditional and those that are unconditional. Specifically, for each item ask yourself, “Do I have to acquire or receive something for this to make me happy?” If that’s true, put it on a new list called “Conditional Heart’s Desires.” These are the things which you feel will fill a hole in your heart. For example, if you feel lonely then you may write down, “Have a big family” or “Marry a wonderful partner” so that you won’t have to feel the sadness or loneliness anymore.
As you can see by the name of the list, these are wants that are intended to make you feel better, and therefore, your happiness is conditional upon them. That also means that if these things are taken away from you, it becomes impossible for you to remain happy. This is an important awareness to keep in mind, so I recommend rereading this paragraph a couple of times before moving on.
Now, about that original list of heart’s desires…
Whatever you didn’t put on the “Conditional” list, put it onto a new list called “Unconditional Heart’s Desires.” These are the things which you want, but because you already feel fulfilled within yourself in that aspect of your life, will not increase your overall happiness when you acquire them. Yes, you may gain new perspective, experience, and enjoy yourself… but your happiness is not conditional upon getting these things.
This is actually how children are.
They come into the world so full of life and love, that when they just want to soak up everything. They just love the experience of being alive, of wanting, and of expressing their hearts desires. Little children don’t say to themselves, “If only I had that toy I would be happy” – they’re happy just dumping spaghetti on the table and swooshing it around to see what happens… simply because they want to. Children are curious, they love life, and their wanting is not to fill any inadequacies inside them, but rather, because they are so full they have no choice but to just love and want as much as possible.
It’s this childlike state that we want to move ourselves into. So when you look at your “Unconditional Heart’s Desires” – the things you love JUST BECAUSE, that is where you’ll find your lasting and true happiness.
Spend some time there… you and your heart will be happy that you did.
Your Partner In Transformation,
Chris Cade
Liberate Your Life
_____________
f you would like to take the next step with Chris, sign up sign up for his Free “Getting Things Changed” 7-part mini-program that exposes the inner and outer obstacles conspiring against your best efforts to transform your life.
http://www.chriscade.com/go/?af=12444&url=getting-things-changed/register
______
Click Here Now to get started… http://www.chriscade.com/go/?af=12444&url=getting-things-changed/register